My Wife is Quite Outgoing

My wife is quite outgoing. Keep in mind that I have been out fewer than a dozen times (mostly work related) during that time, plus five days when I went to Aspen.

Here is the data:
2006
Sept 14 - Out
Sep 26 - In Montreal for work
Sep 27 - In Montreal for work
Sep 28 - In Montreal for work
Oct 10 - Out with me
Oct 11 - In NYC with Laurie/for work
Oct 12 - In NYC with Laurie/for work
Oct 13 - In NYC with Laurie/for wor
Oct 14 - In NYC with Laurie/for work
Nov 1 - Out with me
Nov 14 - Her work buddies over for poker
Nov 28 - Out with me
Nov 29 - In Montreal for work
Nov 30 - In Montreal for work
Dec 1 - In Montreal for work
Dec 3 - Out with Laurie
Dec 4 - Planned on going out but fell asleep instead
Dec 5 - Fell asleep
Dec 7 - Playing poker with Aunt Esther
Dec 10 - Help Laurie move
Dec 11 - Manicure after dinner
Dec 12 - Work Xmas party, slept out
Dec 14 - Out with Sylvia from Montreal
Dec 16 - Out with me at my Xmas Party
(gap in my data, I think we started going to marriage counselling)
2007
Jan 6 - Out with me, kids slept out (on the Rag)
Jan 10 - Out with Laurie
Jan 13 - Hair on Saturday afternoon
Jan 18 - Laurie comes over
Jan 19 - Cousin comes over
Jan 21 - Out with Jennifer
Jan 23 - Working late
Jan 24 - At Raptors game
(gap in my data)
Feb 15 - Out with Jennifer
Feb 21 - In Montreal for work
Feb 22 - In Montreal for work
Feb 23 - In Montreal for work
Mar 7 - Out with Seattle Laurie
Mar 8 - Early bedtime
Mar 10 - Told me we would watch a movie after kids went to be but made plans with Laurie anyways and then didnt go out when I got pissed off
Mar 11 - Out with Laurie (made up for last night)
Mar 13 - Out with Seattle Laurie
Mar 20 - Out with Riv from Aus
Mar 23 - Out at Laurie's cottage
Mar 24 - Out at Laurie's cottage
Mar 25 - Out at Laurie's cottage
Mar 28 - Out with Nigel
Apr 1 - Out with Laurie from Aus
Apr 4 - Out with work friends
Apr 5 - Out with Riv from Aus
Apr 11 - Out with friend from Montreal
Apr 14 - Manicure Saturday afternoon
Apr 15 - Dropped Boy off at Hebrew School then went to Yorkdale all morning but didnt tell me she was doing this until she called from the road
Apr 19 - Retirement party for someone at work
Apr 20 - Out with me
Apr 21 - Out at co-worker's jack and jill party
Apr 23 - Spent time on pc and went to drug store instead of watching '24'
Apr 24 - Went to Cousin after kids went to be and while I was working out
Apr 26 - Out with work friends
Apr 27 - Went to Laurie's after kids went to be
Apr 28 - In Montreal with Laurie
Apr 29 - In Montreal with Laurie
May 3 - Went to Michelle's to pick something up (I was out of town for 2 nights and just got back an hour earlier)
May 4 - Went out for coffee with Laurie
May 5 - Out all day with daughter; family event together at night
May 7 - She fell asleep early
May 8 - Out with work friends, home at 1:30 AM
May 14 - In Montreal, work
May 15 - In Montreal, work
May 16 - In Montreal, work
May 17 - In Montreal, work
May 18 - In Montreal, work

This is getting bad

I am beginning to become complacent about sex. I hate it that I find myself loosing sex drive around here.

I used to always want sex and now I just find myself not wanting it with her. That's why it is bad. It's like I turned off my 'I dont want to get rejected mechanism'. I want to be turned on and she's not doing that right now. I want the black dress and black shoes. I want her to try sexy stuff and straddle me on the couch or take me to the bathroom to blow when I get home from work. But nothing.

I can't get interesed when she just lies there in bed wearing Bum sweatshirt. On those rare occasions when she wants a quickie I just can't get interested or aroused be she says so. I want sexy. I want to go down on her but she denies me. I want some fucking passion.

This is getting bad.

My vasectomy: Part 1

I knew my vasectomy would hurt, but I didn't think it would feel like getting kicked in the nuts. In hindsight it makes sense: the urologist is twisting and turning and snipping and soldering.

So I am lying on the operating table, when some guy comes in and shaves my balls. (Back home he might have been a judge or a government minister, but in Canada, he shaves balls. I guess that is the price of freedom.)

You are so shocked by this turn of events so you barely notice the doctor when he grabs a nut and gives you the needle. Under the local anesthetic you know something is going on but you can't feel anything. (This is kind of like when your hand is asleep or having sex with a condom.)

The female nurse, who sadly, has been staring at my flacid, white penis this whole time, asks if I would like to see the severed tissue. I say no, but then change my mind because when else do you get to see what’s inside you?

There is a misconception about the snipping, as it isn't so much one snip as two snips. He removes a segment of tissue about the length of a piece of cooked rice and with the thickness of a piece of cooked spaghetti (or maybe it was spaghettini). I asked what becomes of the tissue. It seems they bring it to pathology where someone tests to make sure that the doctor cut out what he was supposed to cut out.

After a few minutes, there is this smell: 'tis the smell of burning as the doctor cauterizes the ends. Next, while stitching me up, the doctor tries to lighten things up by telling me a penis joke that he claimed to have heard the other day – but has likely told a thousand times.

To be continued.

Blog Dedication

I officially dedicate this blog to all the poor, married shmucks out there. You know who you are. God bless us all.